Just Babbling

Gawai is coming very soon. Not that I am celebrating but the holiday mood is just around the corner, making me lost interest in my work. Can't wait for the long weekend to come and enjoy myself with my loved one with our plan for the holiday.

I am not feeling too well recently. Saturday was still alright until evening. I started to be insomniac, woke up the next day feeling really tired and exhausted. Feeling warm all over the body but got better after taking two tablets of Panadol. Everything was alright until the night fell. I took another two tablets of Panadol before going to bed.

Things were alright on Monday morning but by noon, my head was aching like it was going to split anytime. I went home for a sleep but it didn't help at all. Popped in another two tablets of Panadol and felt better before going to bed. I woke up several times last night with the weird sore and muscle ache. Woke up feeling fresh but the muscles all over my arms and legs are sore. Hope I will get better after taking a good rest.

p/s: I didn't go to America, I didn't met anyone coming back from overseas and I don't think I got infected with the swine flu.

Back at Home

It's 3pm in the afternoon and I am sitting in front of my laptop, back at home. I am in dilemma whether to smile because of my freedom or to cry as a result of my "productivity". Life is always full of dilemma isn't it.

There are times in my life when I feel blessed to have a good career where I can control my own time and schedule. No 9 to 5 job to go to, no boss to meet and submit reports, no countless meetings to attend to and freedom to choose to work at my own will. Compared to those who work their 9 to 5 jobs, it's not easy even for them go and pay their parking tickets or pay bills at the banks whereas I can choose to do so whenever I want as frequent as I like.

But when the phone stops ringing and the blog entries get updated more frequently, it starts to send shivers down my spine. To start panicking for the "non-productivity" that occurred and how tomorrow will be like.

I am glad I am not God. MAN is not easy to please...

I always think that I am strong, I always feel that I could take any challenges that come my way. I always feel that no matter what happened, I can control my mind, stay calm and make the right decision at the right time. Again and again, I am proven wrong. Repeatedly, I am mentally challenged to accept the fact that I am just another human being with emotions, sometimes, out of control.

I always tell myself, "This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it" as of written in Psalm 118:24. Sometimes I managed to attract lots of positive powers into myself. Other times, I failed to do so and when the system collapses, it goes down so hard I feel I just break myself apart, not being able to be fixed again, yet, there goes another day and here comes another tomorrow.

I don't like myself when I lose my temper. It is always a priority to make my love ones smile and be joyful, to care for them and to give them the best I can. I want to be ever pleasing, be the Mr Nice Guy that everyone loves and happy with. I want to be the best in everything I do. But as always, there is a limit to what I can do.

It's not easy to be a good husband, neither is it easy to be a good son. To follow God's words to the fullest is even harder than what I thought it would. Bob Proctor teaches Law Of Attraction. The late Dr Norman teaches the Power of Positive Thinking. God also assures me that,

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it".

as written in 1 Corinthians 10:13.

It's hard, it's not easy and life is never easy BUT I will strive on, to continue to be strong and only to be stronger tomorrow.

Busy week

This week has been quite a hectic week that I have gone through. Apart from this blog that I have started not long ago, I have started another blog for my work purpose. I believe that blog is going to be a success. The readers frequenting that blog will definitely be more compared to the visitor that visit this "Sharing" blog of mine.

I have been quite busy with the set up and posting of entries on the other blog, causing me to lose focus on this one. Somehow, I promised myself not to drop anything that I have started so easily and I definitely will not stop posting entries on this "Sharing" blog that I have started not long ago.





By the way, there is a website which is quite well-known among the people in Kuching called the catscity. I have heard of it for some time now but never registered myself there because I can't feel anything interesting in there. Somehow, after I have set up my other blog, I tried to google any famous local forum where I can spread the news of me starting the blog which might be useful to the public as well as boosting my traffic flow to my other site. And of course "CATSCITY" is what I found. I registered myself, got approved, start to post in the forums about my new blog and the things they can find there. Guess what, the next day, I found myself banned, all the entries deleted and they do not allow me to register myself again with the site.

WTF... Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am not supposed to make use of that site to promote myself but isn't that the purpose of people flocking to forums? To read and get as much useful information as possible and since I have something which I think can benefit others, isn't it right for me to share that with the public in a well known forum such as that? To make things worse, I am accused by the admin for spamming, damn it. I never spam and I will never do that. Posting different entries with different ways of expressing a same thing at different places does not mean spamming (or does it).

Whatever it is, that will be the last time I will ever visit that site again. If no sharing is allowed, PLS LIMIT YOUR FORUM ONLY TO REGISTERED MEMBERS, DON'T OPEN IT TO THE PUBLIC. If it's meant for public sharing, it's definitely not right to ban members who tried to share what they have on the net...

Pregnanthood - Part 2

My wife is now 8 weeks pregnant. Despite having to go through the difficult first few months of pregnancy, she still have to work during the day, sometimes on some evenings.

She threw me a question before, "Why do women have to go through such difficult moments. Not only is it tiring when one is pregnant but a woman has to go through a very painful and agony time during labor as well".

I replied jokingly about the sin Eve had done before by offering to Adam the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and God has decided that men will have to work hard to earn a living for his family whereas women will have to bear the pain of labor.

My wife replied, "It's not fair. Because women nowadays work to earn a living too".

Unfortunately, she is right. Women in the past used to stay home to look after the children and the family needs. Earning money for a living is never an issue for them, even till my mom's generation but things have now changed. An average family needs to have working parents in order to go through a more comfortable living unless either parents are very well-to-do. A single working parent in a family will only create more stress to the person working out there to make a living. In our recent days, it's even hard for a single to enjoy a really comfortable life without having to worry about the empty pocket by the end of the month before the salary can be withdrawn, what more to say feeding another person or maybe even another child with the same amount of income plus the need to secure some for retirement.

Being a husband whose wife is pregnant, the first few months of pregnancy proves to be very antagonizing moments. My wife who is exhausted most of the time plus the nausea that she is feeling right now has to work everyday, sometimes during weekends and public holidays. She even has to work in some of the evenings as scheduled.

She vomitted on Monday at the parking space near her parents' house. She vomitted again last night at my parents home after dinner as she was getting ready for the evening shift. Although I am not the one experiencing those agony and discomfort, I could see that she is really exhausted due to the pregnancy and the symptoms that occured. I could not pretend to understand how it feels to be in such state but looking at her helplessly really punctured my heart.

There are moments when I felt that she should resign from her work but that proved to be a little extreme. Spending about 7 years to master what she has studied and given the fact that she is doing something she enjoys doing, to quit just like that and become a fulltime housewife feeels a little too much. Besides, I fear of future social problems if she is to quit working and stayed home. Although Jesus has blessed us abundantly and we are never lack of anything, I feel that what I am doing right now is still not sufficent to give my wife and my future child a good life.

Pregnancy is really a very difficult moment. I salute my mother who has carried me around for 9 months before I was born, taking gentle care of me and investing her time on me until I am who I am right now. Not having the chance to witness such difficult moments of pregnancy really make it hard for me to appreciate what our mothers have done for us.

All I can do right now is to pray to Jesus everyday for HIS help to ease my wife's suffering. May the first trisemester ends soon so that she will start to enjoy her pregnancy more than now.

The Monday Incident...

It has been a great weekend. Although I am on call almost everyday including public holidays, the weekends often bring lots of relieves to me, bringing my stress level lower despite having to meet more clients during those days. Although I am self-employed with no fixed office hours, the coming of Mondays sometimes brings me a little bluish mood.

Today (11^th May 2009) is a Monday and the blue Monday Syndrome is a bit inside my blood. Life is full of surprises, life is very unpredictable. Mine is no exception…

My wife called around noon today while I was having a discussion with a client at a local coffee shop. Instead of talking to her, I decided to return her call after my discussion with my client. Less than 10 minutes later, I returned her call and learnt that someone tried to molest her while she was walking back to her parents’ home from the car park. With God’s blessings and care, nothing untoward happened to her but she was relating to me the incident, I could feel the blood boiling inside me. My associate who happened to be in the car with me at that time overheard the incident too.

I informed my associate who happened to be also my buddy that I was going to look for that guy because he is someone running a stall in that area and my wife recognized him. I planned to look for him myself but my associate insisted to join as going alone will be too dangerous. I ended up going to that place with two of my associates to locate the molester followed by my wife to identify him.

He was not around when we arrived but luck was on our side when we spotted him walking slowly from the old market towards the shops. I quickly confronted him. Even before I spoke, the molester stepped back upon seeing the four of us. He turned out to be a little retarded guy almost my age, or maybe younger. While confronting him, his mom appeared and got his father to speak to us. I couldn’t hold on to my anger and slapped the guy several times on his face, throwing verbal abuses towards him. The father finally appeared with a friend and apologized profusely, trying to explain that his boy is a little mentally unsound.

Despite his excuse, I slapped his boy a few more times on his face…

Mentally retarded, mentally unsound… these are no good reasons to give to wade of any wrong things one have done. There might be people who feel that it is not right for me to do what I have done today, slapping and hurling verbal abuses to the molester but if they were the victim, I am very sure there will do much more than that.

Can I go and rape and murder somebody and then claim that I am mentally unsound and be pardoned for the wrong things that I have done? No way, or I will be robbing every bank along the street and tried to ask for pardon by getting my parents to come and beg for mercy. I am not against ‘special’ people in this world. We can’t deny they do not want to be born that way and neither do any parents want their children to be like that. The fact is no matter in what kind of mental state one is, you can’t just go and do anything you like that might harm others.

After that incident, I was in dilemma, as whether it’s right for me to do what I have done. Should I just forgive and forget without inflicting my own punishment towards him. Somehow, I later felt that I have done the right thing. I was thinking maybe I should have punched the molester instead of just slapping him. It’s fortunate that my wife knows how to make complaints and point out the molester. What happened if the harassed is not an adult but a young child who doesn’t know her rights. She might just live in fear for the rest of her life. At least the bastard knows that it is wrong to do what he has done and let’s hope he will not repeat himself again.

Life Goes On The Way It Is Supposed To Be

Yes, life goes on... And it does go on the way it is supposed to be. I recently got the opportunity to work with a new associate whom I am going to share with regarding all scopes of my job. Never did I like to share what I am doing at work with another person because of the fear of that person overtaking me in my field of work, especially the way I close my sales, interacting with my clients and so forth but after some thoughts and experiences, it's really not that bad at all.

Sharing what you are doing with an associate helps me to recap a lot of things which I might have forgotten. Being my responsibility to bring up this new associate, I tend to have more initiative in looking at new ways to do things because it is my job to make sure that my new associates do well in his area of work. Higher responsibility but fun at the same time.

Work is progressing well at the pace that God and I want it to be. At the same time, my pregnant wife with the adorable little fetus inside my wife's womb is progressing well too. As much as the anxiety I have inside, I can't really wait to see our baby delivered in Dec soon. Wonder if the baby is a male or female. I have never been a dad before but I am very sure with my wife's help along with God's guidance, I will be able to raise up our children in a very good way.

Relationship with friends seems to be getting further apart. Is it because I am too busy with my family and work that I have started to neglect them. I have not met most of my old friends whom I used to meet up with every week. Is it for that reason also, I feel that there is a growing gap between us. Different kind of opinions, different goals in life, not easy to get along with. People says that friends are like stars in the sky. They will always be there although they are not always seen. How true is that? I hope this statement will be very true else I will start to lose friends.

Since the pregnancy of my wife, I start to feel that I have neglected my parents. Dad especially... I used to chat with him when I go home for dinner during weekdays but recently, the only thing I say to him is the greeting when I see him and the goodbye when I want to go home. Even during the weekend, I spend less time with him already. Dad, I am so sorry for neglecting you. My strong and egoistic Dad plus my egoistic character really push us further apart BUT I know, dad will still love my and he will still always be in my heart...

Luckily Mom comes all the time to our house during the weekends and holidays. Although I feel that I have neglected her too, I am glad that we still talk to each other when there are times together. Mother Day is coming. I am not planning anything for her. Not buying her any gifts either, apart from that two boxes of bird nests that I have given to her last week. Not sure if that is enough or not.

I hope that sister is doing well at work and study as well as her relationship with her cute boy friend. I pray that my wife will be getting more strength from the Lord so that she can carry on with her working life during this first trisemester of her pregnancy. It's heartbreaking to see her nausea and loss of appetite without the ability to help at all. Sigh... Luckily Jesus is there to take care of everyone. Oh yes, we went for ultrasound again last evening and I saw for the first time the heart beat of our baby in my wife's womb. The feeling is truly amazing... I am not kidding. It's really a mystery plus joy to see a beating heart inside the womb, knowing that the life inside there is created by you and your love one... I love you baby, and of course I still love you, darling wife...